After Marriage......
I thought to publish an article but this is not my experience yet. Yesterday when I back to my home with my 2 of friends in the train, we discussed something. They really didn’t understand what I try to say, but hope you all can be.
This is just an idea of mine and don’t have real experience and hope you all comment this…
Trouble was after getting married, where is the better place to live. Specially in enjoyable 1 and 2 years. I suggested going away from parents home and enjoying the family life alone. It would be really nice and fantastic. You can enjoy with your girl what ever you want. No restrictions, No obstacles. But in other way, it would very difficult to live lonely since we are new for that life in first years. If we are close to parents home then it is easy to live with their support. But you know specially first year is the best and enjoyable year in marriage life. Because all are new, fresh and no children, very free. Imagine, both lovers coming from the office and both tired. If they don’t have any external support from their parents, then they would try to learn how things going in life and how things should happen in their life. Specially freedom they have. What ever they want to do, without any other permission they can do inside their own home. But imagine if there is mother or father… Their freedom would be limited. Isn’t it? You know my one of friend who will be getting married after 1 ½ year later on. But still she is not decided to go away her parents… she don’t concern about the freedom or fresh marriage life happiness. But she saying support from her parents are the valuable than that happiness. But this fresh time can be getting again several years after the marriage?
Imagine that evening you planned to surprise your girl and you want to chat with her entire evening without watching TV too. But suddenly girls mother comes your way and she saying… “I remembered my little daughter and that’s why I came here to see” What would happens… your entire evening will be stuck with your head... isn’t it?
If you are close to your parents home, then her father may comes your way while he drive the vehicle to his home. Imagine what would be???
What do you think? Still I am thinking that is not the way. I am in doubt, because I don’t have any experience. What do you think?
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh:so then they are no more twain, but one flesh(Holy Bible - Mark 10:7,8)
9 comments:
Ubata asaneepayak nane
ane susa !
we all have different ideas about same thing.we have to tolerate that if that girl is not your girl friend don't worry about that
U seem to be stealing my thoughts. I made them available earlier on Nethmina magazine a year ago and now u r talking like it's comming out of u. u better mention the origin of the topic.
Sus,
This is a good topic to argue. Now I declare my idea about this matter. But all my opinions are depend on my environment. It means my ideas depend on the relationship with my parents,my brothers, and my relations.
First of all I'd like to say that stay with my parents, stay
her parents or stay with both doesn't matter to me. Acctually I realy do like it. The reason is not the help of them, but I need my parents. Thats all. I love them. I want to care them and I know the girl who will become my wife will also like to it.
"Imagine that evening you planned to surprise your girl and you want
to chat with her entire evening without watching TV too. But suddenly
girls mother comes your way and she saying "
The answer to the statement that Sus is making above is very simple.
I have another day for surprise my girl. She is my girls mother.
How can we forget our parents.. Its not good we stay with them because we want their help. Thats selfishness.
Susa,
I feel this as an useless article..Because of that im not expressing my ideas here. I feel expressing my ideas also as a useless thing, since all these things are personal matters..Ok....Hope u will come up with a better article next time...
I emphasized just only begining years of the marriage life. Its only a thought. I accepts all the comments, but some may misunderstood what i tried to say. :)
Actually man ur previous posting was greater than this.I come here to read some romantic stuff.
Its pretty kooooooool.But sorry man I have no experience on those things.
And thank you very much for visiting my blog.
ubata pissuda?
Alright guys, I'm not trying to insult anyone or be mean, I just don't understand what all the criticism is for.
I'm going to start off by saying you all shouldn't be putting down Susa's blog. You come to read a blog to see what a person is thinking, whats going on with their life, or to respond to worries or concerns they have for which they seek help. This is his place to express himself, and probably shouldn't be a place of criticisms, but rather interest. It is doubtful in my mind that he went out of his way to steal this "idea" from any of you either, its a common thought, and is perfectly plausible that in the last year that it came to him as a worry from experience, not because he is trying to steal anyone's ideas. Plus, if you guys are friends, it shouldn't matter, its not a scientific debate, a medical paper, or something for an international debate, you shouldn't need to site each others postings just to talk about something thats on your mind...don't be so hard on each other. Remember, he's blogging for his own relief, and his own interest, not yours. Be supportive, I'm sure he'd do the same for you :)
That said, Susa, I have relative experience in this area, having lived with a now ex girlfriend of two years for some time. I know that our two cultures are very different, so my experiences may be of limited help, but I'll see if I can impart a few words of wisdom, though each person's experience will be different.
If you are marrying for love, which in my humble opinion is the only reason to marry, then I would stay close enough to home that you could still get together with each other's families for dinner, holidays and special occasions, as well as the odd visit; but far enough away that it would be a little out of the way to come by and see each other all the time. Say, a forty five minute drive from the parent's home. Also, with this, if something went terribly wrong , you would have support, or your family would have support.
The reason I do say to distance yourself at least somewhat though, is because in truth, for a not only a couple, but even a lone individual to grow and mature, you must have a considerable level of freedom to make mistakes, learn who you are, and to experience things of your own. When you stay around family all the time, it is difficult to branch off and try as many new things. If you have similar, but slightly different ideals, then you can't practice them to see if thats what you really want, for you will be continually pressured by your family to remain under their wing.
As a couple, that time with one another, early on, is an important time not only of growth together, but as a testing time. As the years go by, and your parents leave this world, you will have to depend on one another, and by that time the responsibilities of life will have grown considerably, you may have children, debt, or a demanding career; any number of things. If you can't learn to depend on each other early, to learn to be a pair, a team, to truly trust one another early, then you have little hope as things become more complicated in those later years.
Finally, as Sus said, its just more fun to spend time alone. I promise you this. You will learn more about the person you love, in one month of living together away from your family, than you will learn about them in ten years of dating! Plus, in those first few years, there is much opportunity for romance, for growth of love, and strengthening of relationship. When you learn something new, when you have to survive unexpected dangers, you grow with those you share that experience with. If your family is directly involved, than that sharing and that growth is less concentrated, its spread out, and your wife and you don't gain as much. Doing it together, shows how strong you two are. Remember, just because you're not getting through a hard time with your family, doesn't mean you're going through it alone; in a marriage, you always have each other.
Finally, don't forget your friends. These are the family you chose, and are amongst, if not in fact, the most valuable thing in your life.
Hope that offered some insight. If you think I might be able to answer your question better, let me know.
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